24th of February 2009 - sad sad day

my bloved aunt passed away during lunch today.... n i did not hv a chance to pay her a visit during her 3 mths stay at IJN..... she had been hospitalised since xmas eve n today's demise is oredi on the cards esp when she is oredi giving up hope on life.... her doc said tat its oni a matter of time n it was jz last weekend tat he said tat n today........ she cld hv done much better than tis n wld hv recovered if oni she had the initiative to go on tis life but she chose otherwise..... hearing tat she does not wan to move ard when she is in the hospital is really sad..... she was like a kid then...... until she bcame all stiff n had bedsores.... when my mum visited her last weekend, my mum said tat she cld not even recognise any1 of my uncles n my mum oredi n she cld not tok n eat at all........ seeing her like tat, it wld oni b wise to let her go instead cos she is suffering...... mayb its the best way n medicine for her.... at least she is not in pain n no longer suffering now tat she had oredi left her body...... but its really sad... very sad.....

for the whole day, her healthy face was lingering on my mind n i can still c her happy smile smiling back at me...... i m wondering wat's gonna happen to my cousins after tis..... will they still stay together? will my cousin bro leave home for his dreams? will my cousins still b in touch viv all of us? i hope my aunt n uncle will blessed their children fr up above...... help them to b stronger n to stay together..... jz moments after i received news of my aunt's demise, my cousin bro smsed me n asked me "how la.... my chew gone oredi" my heart went out to him.... but i felt tat my cousin sis wld b worst..... i did not msg my cousin sis cos i din noe wat to say to her.... i really felt sad for her but....... plus i m oso feeling sad on my own part n regretted not going to visit her when i had the chance to......

suddenly felt tat the days r flying fast n felt tat ppl r getting older sooner..... my aunt, aged 57 tis yr is aging pretty fast the past 1 yr viv heart attack but was too weak for a by-pass surgery..... i suddenly felt so scared..... scared wat will happen when age catches up viv my parents..... i really can bear to apart fr them..... so dear God, please bless my parents n uncles n aunties viv good health.......

23rd fo February 2009

came across an interesting email a few days back but oni had time to type it here..... actually after reading tis, i felt tat its very very true! let me share viv u....

Why ladies today are still single?

1. The nice men are ugly.

2. The handsome men are not nice.

3. The handsome and nice men are gay.

4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.

5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, hane NO MONEY.

6. The men who are not so handsome, but are nioce men with money thinks we are only after their money.

7. The handsome men without money are after our money.

8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough.

9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.

10. The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!

11. The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.

NOW WHO THE UNDERSTANDS MEN?

"Men are like a fine wine. They start out like grapes and it's our jod to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with"

16th of February 2009

well.... 1st time ever since i had moved to my new hse tat i overslept my alarm....... shd say i did not even put alarm..... last nite b4 i tune in to sleep, i kept thinking if i had oredi set my alarm n sum part of me wanted to check 1st b4 going to sleep but bcos i was too tired, i decided against it...... n tats how i woke up at 8.10am!!!! i rushed like h**l jz so tat i wld not b so late for work..... i reached office by 9 though..... lucky me....... i guess the main reason is tat today not much cars as most factory are shut down due to the slow market.....

reached office n tot today will not b so bz as the market is slow but mana tau, my 'dear' partner is on EL which left me stranded viv so many customers viv their stuffs..... 1 customer but numerous requests..... do til i so pik chik tat i 'DND' my phone so tat nobody can pass calls to me..... n x-partner who sat opposite viv nth to do did not even help..... sampai customer oso kenot tahan n ask me y she like tat wan..... wat can i do? i hv no say to ask to come help me rite? infact during tat situation, if she had more initiative, she wld hv came to help vivout me asking her la, rite? if i ask n she dun wan to, i lagi kek si la...... sumtimes, ppl shd learn to offer help vivout others asking for it...... if ppl were to voice up n ask, u will b very malu d lo...... ppl alwix say 'wat goes ard comes ard'...... not tat i m cursing or wat la but i blieve in tat lo...... so let it b la..... i ended up serving customers til almost 5pm oni the last customer left n i can finally start viv my balancing......... haih..... by the time finish everything oredi so tired d..... really no life lo.... oredi no life, sum more work like tat lagi no life.....

how come la my life can bcome like tis? when everyone ard is attached, i m all alone by myself..... haih..... sad.....

14th of February 2009

tis is the 2nd yr tat i m enduring tis day alone...... though sad but i do not hv a choice..... i can choose to forget tat its v-day but the hustle n bustle of tis very special occasion is everywhere n i kenot choose to not notice or c all of tis..... "Lonely i m Ms. Lonely, I have nobody, For my owwnnn, Im so Lonely, im Ms. Lonely I have nobody, for my owwnnn Im so Lonely".... haih........... all i hv are my dvds to accompany me til the end.......

many asked y i din get married n hv kids...... the biggest prob is not i dun wan to but i dun hv any1 to viv me to do tat...... if my parents r open minded enuff, i wld hv gone to get implants n hv kids..... afterall, tat was wat i had been thinking for my future since young...... but i noe in m'sia, ppl r not tat open minded n wun b able to accept single mother openly..... so i will jz hv to forget abt tis for now...... i m wondering if i m ever able to do tis..... by tat time, i m oredi too old for all my tots.......

11th of February 2009

today i got a funny story to tell..... last nite i had slight fever n the whole nite, i kept going to toilet as i kept drinking water to keep my throat wet...... n i dun remember which time iwoke up n fell asleep n i dreamt abt tis famous guy..... tis guy is most gal's dream guy..... n in the dream, he was viv me, nwt, ygl, ysl n his band oso...... n dun noe how he ended up in my house n asking me to accompany him to Mois pula n told me tat my frens r on the way to come fetch us there...... n i woke up smiling non-stop...... if he ever ask me in real person, i wld hv agreed lo...... real person leh...... wu chun leh..... 'lueh fan yeng la' hahaha!!!

n bcos of the dream tat i had, today i had a gr8 day instead minus one stupid lau ee who speaks hokkien but dun understand hokkien...... but bcos today is a happy day due to tat dream, i jz dun wan to tok bout it..... if not, spoil my mood nia.......

plus, i miss tis person so so so so so so so so ........ SO much..... its been 3 weeks tat he last came n i m sad tat he dun miss me..... if he miss me, he will sure come....... sad...... haih...... mayb he is bz viv his new branch..... if not mistaken, he will b opening a new branch in Sg Dua..... no wonder he called me the other day to ask about the Trade Bills facilities....... plus, i saw his company name signboard..... he mz hv either bought over the shoplot or the business...... it used to b my another customer's shop..... anyway, the next time, if i ever successfully c him, i will ask him la......

09th of February 2009

so boring today...... its a replacement holiday today n i m at home doing nth but watch drama series n blogging..... haih...... tis is my life... my boring life...... not much frens tats y..... v-day is around the corner n my plans? well.... i dun hv a bf n not even a spare tyre so i will b at home, watching drama again..... tats wat i had been doing since tat dreadful incident....... infact along the way, i had came to finally c thru frens around me n my life...... who r those who treats me well n who r those tat treats me good for a reason..... sad to noe tat frens r like tat esp when frens to me r like part of my life n i treat them like a close fren but to them i m jz a social companion..... but tats life isn't it? not everything is fair....... not for me esp..... so i'll jz hv to live life jz like tat...... alone til the end.......

03rd of February 2009

1st n foremost, i miss him so so so much!!!! it's been almost 2 weeks since i last saw him...... everynite b4 sleep, i will definately think of him.... will he come tomolo? will he still remember when was the last time we met? will he come n tok to me? haih...... til today, he did not come yet..... though we did msg each other last wed..... haih......

anyway..... finally CNY came n went like tat.... n i leh.... got over it like its not CNY at all...... dun noe y tis yr so no mood for CNY..... haih.... infact, i m still wondering how the days went by so fast.... 2008 ended so fast n cny came so early n now wondering if the coming days will come n go as fast as those tat oredi past......

oso, dun noe y ever since 3 days b4 CNY, the past came back to my memory..... infact jz a moment ago oso it came to me..... 2 yrs oredi n the scar is still there..... it will alwix b there to remind me of how foolish i had been then..... n led me to b less confident in myself..... but time will heal all.... its really jz a matter of time...... but how long, i m not sure.....

for the past few days i had been listening to 1 particular song n felt tat the chorus of the song is very meaningful..... 'Ni bu hui ai, Wo de ai, Wo ming bai, Ni de zui ai, na yi kuai, na tian wo cai cun zai, Wo bu hui ai, ni de ai, shou shang hai, suo yi ling yuan an jing de deng dai' mean u dun noe how to love, but i love u, i will understand, ur love, tat day i m in ur heart, i dun noe how to love, but u love me, u will hurt, so the best is to silently wait.....'