Birthday!

tis morning he msged me "happy birthday to you and wish u hv always happy. ur gift will b send at tis few days. yr end too much things hv to check and hv to go some places as well." more or else wat i xpected to hear fr him.... he will never ever keep to his promises to me anymore...... the moment he said tat he arrange all his things so tat he cld keep today free for me i oredi knew tat it will not happen at all....... like he asked once "who r u to me?!" i noe tat i m no longer in his heart n mind...... anyway, i oredi told myself numerous times not to put too much hope in watever he said n in tis relationship oredi so as not get hurt even worst..... i guess time is the best medicine........ infact, tat bloody bitch even dared to msged me "nothing much. jz wan to wish u happy birthday"...... i really dun noe wat they r really up to........ hvnt they played me enuff? i hv oredi given up n moved out of tis dreadful relationship oredi n now wat? wan to play me phsycologically? i m not tat strong oni...... tis relationship had me ended up so damn tired n xtremely sad........ i hv had enuff d...... all i wanted is a peaceful life after tis......... like i said b4, wat is love? love is pain! love is lots of pain.......

anyway, today is my birthday n my birthday wish is to forget all abt him n tat bloody bitch n all tat happened between us n to be happier than i used to b! so tats wat i shd b doing!

birthday wish

its my bday today! n i hope tat my yr ahead is better than watever tat i hv been thru the past 2 yrs...... i hope tat i can finally let go of all those memories n start over anew...... i hope i can finally close everything tat i gave him n lose contact...... no matter wat, i hope tat i will forget him once n for all........

even its my bday, he did not even wished me like he used to.... a week ago he promised to clear all his job to keep my bday free to accompany me but til now, there's totally no call at all..... i kept telling myself tat the more i put hope in him, the worst i will hurt myself n i guess tis will go on til i finally let go..... so i guess after today, i noe wat to do oredi..... 2 days ago was tat bitch's bday n i guess he mz hv celebrated viv her....... so i might as well forget him n all those tat happened...... its useless to still stick to the past which i noe will end viv nothing.....

anyway, happy birthday to myself n hope everything runs smooth for the yr ahead.......

do not how many ppl actually read tis blog of mine here yet i still wan to let every1 noe bout tis esp gals. sorry if any part of my blog hurts any1 but wat i m saying is the truth.

GALS! beware of any lady salesperson esp those who r bankers! if u r not careful enough, they even sneak their way to ur bf's or even husband's bed n snatch them away! they may come abt as being very innocent in their actions by offering to help u get ur loan approve but if u hv ur guy bside u jz beware! tis is wat happened to me! tis bloody bitch is attached viv a well-known leading foreign bank n doing personal loan sales. she came to me n my x-bf jz when we needed loan to help finance my x-bf's business to go on n she said she wld help. but unknown to me, they got to know each other better as my x-bf is in the vehicle service line n she wld come by the shop when i m not around n even in MIDNIGHT!!! when i felt sth was amiss, he oni told me tat both of them r oredi a couple(he claimed tat its 1 of his plan to get her to help viv the approval) n tat there's nothing real btw them !!!! n guess wat! I CAUGHT THEM ON BED!!!! when i wanted to move over to slap tat bloody bitch, my x actually held me back n hit me hard!!! i never actually tot tat he wld do tat me for he claimed tat he loves me very much but tats wat really happened!!! u mz feel tat i m stupid n out of my mind tat even after tat i still held on to the relationship cos he promised to leave tat bloody bitch when everything is settled but in the end, he broke his promises, all his promises to me....

it took me so long to write tis warning msg out is bcos i tot tat if he really meant wat he said to me n come back after everything is settle, i wld let go of all tis. but now tat it din, i jz wan to let ebery1 noe bout tis!!! i hated tis bloody bitch viv vengance n really hoped to c her dead!!!! if its not bcos of tat bloody loan, i wld hv been happily married to the 1 love so dearly! i felt so ashamed for the bank tat she's attached viv for i really wan to noe wat their management actually teach their salesperson. Did they really teach them to sleep viv their customers to achieve their sales target? Did they really teach them to snacth their customers away from their spouse or gfs? WAT THE HECK!!!! i really felt so DAMN ashamed for i myself is oso in the banking line but never did my mgt teach me bout all tis!!! mayb its bcos they r a foreign bank n foreigers r open bout all tis but not in MALAYSIA!!!!!! no matter how open minded malaysian scan b, tis is wat sth malaysians r unable to accept!!!!

tis is not the oni case tat i noe of... i heard of another lady salesperson tat actually sneaks her way to her customers bed and was caught by her bf n he ended their relationship on the spot! GALS! Y do we wan to let all tis kind of bitches roam around the streets to look for their 'victim' n then plan their way to their bed n then snacth them away? Do u wan to fall victim to tis bitches n ruin ur happiness? i can frankly tell u tat i hated the mgt of tis bank too for they never take care of their staff n let them do tis kind of dirty things!!!

the true meaning of love

L.O.V.E. wat exactly is the meaning behind the word "LOVE"? used to blieve in LOVE but now i dun... LOVE is jz a lie.... LOVE is jz a past time.... LOVE is the EQUIVALENT OF HURT! LOVE is oso a waste of time, money n effort.... as a buddhist i shd blieve tat the buddha has everything planned for us but i guess he mz hv forgetten bout me cos he's been xtremely bz planning for too many ppl. so he had me in the learning class where i wld actually hurt to learn, hurt to learn n hurt to learn until he is done planning for everyone in the world oni he will plan for me..... but by then i wld hv hurt n learn for infinite times til i m oredi exhausted n had no more strength to go on viv his new plans for me anymore.... though tis relationship hurts me worst, i blieve i wld still come out fr tat in time to come.... if there's a potion tat can erase sum memory, i wld actually drink it for i wan to erase the 2 yrs fr my mind.... everyday i wake up hoping tat day by day i wld erase a little bit of the past n replace it viv new, happier memories but i guess it will hunt me still for a time being.... but no matter how, i blieve tat i get thru all tis after awhile....

i really do not understand him at all.... he chose to ask me to leave him n not care bout him n yet, off n on when i do not tell him everything anymore, he wld scold me for not telling n asking y i din tell him.... wat exactly does he wan fr me? wat exactly is going thru tat pig head of his? he was the one whom asked me to leave him n not care n though it hurts so damn badly n after so long of his request, i finally did it but he keeps coming back.... he comes back n lied again n again.... ever since leaving him, his words to me were oni lies.... all i cld think of him was jz hate.... i hated him for i hv bcome.... hated him for wat i hv turned to be..... hated him for all the hurt tat i chose to overcome viv hoping tat it wld lead us to better future but din turn out the way it shd b..... most ppl say tat in a relationship, we mz not hold on too tight for it will fall out.... instead we mz learn to loosen the grip so tat it will stay.... though i blieve in it, i oso blieve tat if a person wans to change, no matter ur grip is tight or loose, he will still change.....

in conclusion, the lesson tat i learnt is to protect myself.... being selfish is no longer like it used to b..... being selfish is the best way to protect myself fr hurt.... i guess tis is the best way to go......

really dun understand guys...... broke up oredi la, do i still need to rpt to him of all i did, when i m on leave n wat happen to me ma? y mz i tell him? is there a gd reason to tat? frankly i din even wan to tok to him if its not bcos of my car..... he owes it to me to do my car......... sumtimes i dun understand...... tis is the relationship tat ends in the worst way n hurts me the worst but i got thru it after i went to genting....... now even tokking to him oso dun feel like it at all........ even though i still feel the twisting of heart at times when i tot of 'us' but the feeling is no longer as painful as it was b4........ b4, even the tots of breaking up twisted my heart so badly tat it hurts for quite sumtime after thinking....... even the painful n hurtful memory hurts me to the core........ now, i oni jz wan to erase all those tat happened in the 2 yrs......... i wld rather tat i din noe him at all....... if oni i cld turn back time, tats one of the thing tat i wld do - wld rather not noe him at all, wld rather tat i din get too close to him other than a fren......... at least i wun hurt tis bad.........



now on, the road tat i chose for myself to walk on actually does not include anyone else xcept myself..... mayb being selfish is the best way for me for i will hv wat i wan n do wat i wan to do..... b4 tis doomed relationship, i never wanted to get a bf cos i felt tat having to rpt to sum1 on everything i did is the most stupid thing to do..... i blieved tat freedom is ours to njoy.... y mz we tie ourselves like tat n lose our freedom....... but it changed when i met him....... tot tat he is the one n i tried my utmost best to change for him but i guess he will never c wat i did for him for he is blinded by others as well as he will never appreciate all my doings for him...... i can choose to hate him viv a vengance but i guess i wun b able to live my life happily....... so i chose to erase everything from DAY 1 to LAST DAY........ i blieved tat to erase needs time but i oso blieve tat i will breeze thru tis in no time........ it may hurt but i guess tats the best way to go......