27th of February 2008 - day of rest con't

jz now went to QBM to look for audrey's bday present viv shiang ling, geok lin, ying ling, wan ying, wan xin n siew yoong....... we had our dinner at Jopin, a japanese restaurant........ then after tat went to G2000 to look for audrey's present...... then we went walking around n ying ling said wan to go Watsons...... so shiang ling n i went to meet the rest there as we went for our window shopping at esprit n padini...... then as we met up viv them in front of watsons, out of sudden i saw him........ he was walking back to his shop but he din c me as i was blocked fr his view....... but when he walked on a bit more, he turned again n saw tis time he saw me........ at 1st we din go to his shop but suddenly i tot of my camera problems, so we turned back...... he helped me viv using my camera better n talked a bit...... he was quite shocked to hear my voice like tis n asked wat i did.... asked if i shouted at sum1 til no voice hor...... hehe! then i told him wat happened lo the he laughed........ i told him tat i m on MC today n then said "mz b u din go to the bank, tat's y u dun noe" n he said tat he went to BBB cos its nearer to where he is staying..... hmmmmmmmm.............. now i m curious....... where is he staying in penang n viv whom........ whether he has got gf or not..........

last week i had a dream bout him...... i asked him bout my camera problems on friday n tot will go find him tat nite or sat at BJC wan but in the end i did not....... so i tot mayb tis week will d so when my voice comes back........ mana tau, i dreamt of him on friday nite...... i dreamt tat he came to my house to help me viv my camera problems n even tot me how to use....... then heard my mum asked for me so i left him at my room where my pc is n then answered my mum.... when i was finished, i turned back to him n wat i saw was he taking of his shirt!!!!! so i asked him "wat r u doing taking of ur shirt? hot meh?" n he said "no la. wan to borrow ur room awhile. i wan to change my sports gear as i m going for sports viv frens." so i said "say so la. so i leave u now to change, ok?" n i left my room.... then i woke up d....... haih...... after tat, i tot of tat dream n laughed........ cos i never like tat before....... when i was viv x, i had never dreamt of him b4........ i oni dreamt of tat bloody bitch n how i tortured when she is pregnant viv his child........ never once i dreamt of him like tis wan............... i wonder wat does it meant....... wat is it suppose to mean?

but then again, i din wan to think so much d...... when it is suppose to come, it will come....... dun hv to go after it wan......... so let it be..... hehehe!!!!

i so pai seh when he took my pix tat time...... i stumbled in smiling to his camera...... n he said tat i was very fake in smiling...... hahaha!!! i can't help it cos i was nervous......... anyway, tat pix above was 1 of wat he took of me....... haha!!!!

27th of February 2008 - day of rest

mc today..... yesterday when the dr suggested tat i take an mc today to rest, i din wan to cos i tot i may recover overnight like it used to...... but tis morning when i woke up n tried to talk, my voice jz wldn't come out....... haih.......................... in the end i went back to the dr n got my mc........ it pays for being stubborn......... haha! whole day at home doing nth but watch romantic princess all over again n sleep oni........ talking used most of my energy so today i m quiet..... xtremely quiet......... funny thing is my mum din noe tat i m on mc today..... n my crazy mum actually called me!!!! when i answered her call whispering, she was laughing n then said "nevermind" n put down the phone.............. c la....... mad wan............ my partner oso like tat.......... she was laughing the whole conversation............. haih............. never tis bad......... never once completely lost my voice wan....... oni merely nia n alwix recover overnite wan............. tis time it got worst........

26th of February 2008

today i m completely voiceless d by the end of the day....... tis morning i still hv a bit of voice but by dinner, there's oni abt 25% of voice left..... after dinner, its gone....... the dr said tat i sorethroat til my vocal cords r affected d.... now even swallow saliva oso my throat aches....... the dr even advised me not to talk at all for a few days so as to recover quickly n asked if i wan an MC for tomolo to rest at home since i can't even talk...... now i m still thinking...... tomolo oni dcide la..... if it gets better then i shall go to work.... if not, i will go find him again for the MC.... but i think to rest is better s i can't even talk, there isn't much tat can b done even if i go to work..... my job requires me to talk cos i need to xplain ma...... haih............. anyway, i m sleepy d..... the cough mixture is working d......

25th of February 2008 - restless day

today was damn busy...... so many customers out of sudden all come at the same time.... haih.... let me work til kenot breathe nia.... oredi la sick..... haih........ by the time finish work, i m oredi almost voiceless...... n now while i m typing tis, i practically lost my voice d..... tomolo no need to talk d........ sad..... so sad...... everytime oso like tis.....everytime i sick it starts viv sore throat where the tonsils will slowly start to swell which within a few hrs, i will b having high fever then when fever is over, i will start to hv flu n then bcome voiceless....... its been going on for yrs d..... until i even tot of removing those tonsils once n for all so tat i wun go thru all tis again but i asked around n the replies r not so bright...... so i guess i will go around for advise til i m satisfied oni then i will decide wat i will do....... i shd b going to rest d...... back to the series tat i was watching, heart of greed, like i said, it reminds me of all those incidents tat happened for the past 2 yrs..... it made me so sad...... cried.... but i guess it wun do anything to turn all those painful incidents to happy ones........ n i guess the best thing tat i hv ever done for myself in tis 2 yrs is to finally leave him...... i believe time will heal all the pain n erase all those painful memories.....

a song tat really singing my pain now....... KNIFE by Rockwell

You touched my life
With your softness in the night
My wish was your command
Until you ran out of love
I tell myself I'm free
Got the chance of livin' just for me
No need to hurry home
Now that you're gone

Knife
Cuts like a knife
How will I ever heal
I'm so deeply wounded
Knife
Cuts like a knife
You cut away the heart of my life
When I pretend

Wear a smile to fool my dearest friends
I wonder if they know
It's just a show
I'm on a stage
Day and night I go through my charades
But how can I disguise
What's in my eyes

Knife
Cuts like a knife
How will I ever heal
I'm so deeply wounded
Knife
Cuts like a knife
You cut away the heart of my life
Oh, ohOh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, ohOh...

I've tried and tried
Blocking out the pain I feel inside
The pain of wanting you
Wanting you

Knife
Cuts like a knife
How will I ever heal
I'm so deeply wounded
Knife
Cuts like a knife
How will I ever heal
I'm so deeply wounded
You cut away the heart
Of my life

memories yet again......

watching "heart of greed" once again reminds me of a lot of things tat happened in my relationship.... a scene where sheung zhoi sam found out tat alfred has another gal outside reminds me of how i found out bout tat bitch...... a scene where ah sam went to alfred's hse and the other gal is in the hse as well viv alfred n when ah sam tried to unlock the door, the other gal locked the door reminds me of thosemany times tat i barged to his hse n saw tat bloody bitch in his room esp tat time when i barged in n saw tat bloody bitch's sleepy face n his sleepy face n how we ended up hitting each other n how i was hurt....... a scene where alfred cried when he tried to xplained himself to ah sam n apologised for the wrongs tat he did to her reminds me of how he had got down on his knees those few times n begged for my forgiveness n cried............ the more i tot of it, my heart is twisting into knots...... painful...... very painful........ u noe, though i hv given up hopes in tis relationship, i still feel tis pain in me...... each time i tot of wat happened n those painful incidents viv hurtful words, i felt like i've cut by a knife......

20th February 2008

v-day came n went jz like tat nia without anything at all..... sad..... it was not like tis last time....... during tat time, all those memories came flooding back like it had oni happened yesterday........ happy n sad memories........... but tats all in the past....... though it hurts very very much, i still hv to move on........ n i m still learning to move on........ n its oso thanks to my frens to support me tis far......

11th February 2008 - 1st day back to work after a long weekend of holidays

today is the 1st day tat i n most ppl finally go back to work after 4 days of holidays..... haih......... oredi i xpected a lot of customers will come flocking our customer service tables for account opening but never xpected to b so damn bz til no time for toilet n picking up of phone calls........ imagine tat, i as a CSR, oni answered 4 calls today!!!! 3 fr regular customers n 1 fr my fren in our head office.............

07th of February 2008 - CHINESE NEW YR!!!!!

finally, it's CNY!!! 1stly, Happy Chinese New Year to everyone!!! yesterday was very relaxing as not much customers at the bank oredi.... everybody oso bz viv reunion n last minute thingys...... can u believe tat.... i left my office at 4.30pm!!!! incredible leh...... once in a yr nia lo tat it actually happens.........

well..... today i went visiting viv my family to my grandma's (tats my dad's mum) hse then had our lunch then head to my 3rd grandauntie's place n lastly to my 2nd grandauntie's place...... funny things happened today..... when we were travelling to my 3rd grandauntie's hse, we were talking bout my dad's car signal panels..... it was blinking at the airbag..... n my smart mum viv her incredible english was asking y the airbog light is on when its not supposed to...... upon hearing "airbog", the three of us was shocked n then started laughing...... my mum n her xtremely incredible english..... PRONUNCIATION pun tak tau...... hahaha!!!! then my brother teased her tat when he grows up, he wan to do business selling school bogs, travelling bogs n hand bogs.............. wakakakakakakakaka!!!!!!! MY MOTHER!!!! haih............

then when we reached my 2nd grandauntie's hse n waiting at the lobby for my aunt n cousins to arrive, my brother suddenly nudged me n said "how come mummy's shoes so funny wan." then i looked down at her feet n realised tat she wore a side of 2 pairs of shoes..... on her right feet is her shoe but the left feet is sumbody else's shoe!!!!!!!!!!! then i said to my mum "mi, ur latest fashion sense is extremely nice!" n then started laughing................. she stared at her feet n started to laugh as well....... my eldest aunt who was travlling viv us oso laughed............. so my dad had to fetch her back to my 3rd granddauntie's hse to change n it seems tat the shoe blongs to my cousin uncle's gf!!!!! she oso realised tat n called my youngest aunt to ask............. hahahahahaha!!!!!!! my mum ar...... really man!!!!

after tat we headed home n my mum said tat we did not take any picture at all... so i took out the camera n started to take family picture lo...... mana tau, my mum said to me "dun forget to switch the flush on! if not the picture not nice wan." my brother n i almost went berserk man!!!! tis morning bog, now flush!!!! haiyo............. laughed until i kenot tahan nia........ after taking picture n changed, i slept like a pig the whole evening til dinner time...... then after dinner, tot wan to go watch movie viv frens mana tau all movies is fully booked!!!!! so hv to postpone tomolo....... now i m watching my series on tv while typing tis........ sad hor............ so boring.........

last but not least, i hope tat tis yr will b a better yr for me in every terms........... i pray for better health, wealth n luck for tis rat yr for every1 tat i love.............. HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!!

05th of February 2008

as expected, today was as busy as yesterday........ viv damn lots of customers waiting for counter services n yet complaining...... but there's nothing much tat can done in situations like tis....... however, there was a customer who's mouth is really damn dirty!!! guess wat stupid question he asked me...... he asked "wah! so many ppl hor..... how come ur tis bank never kena rompak ar?"!!!!!! WAT THE HECK!!!!!! wat kind of a question is tat??!!! kek si wa nia....... if ever kena rompak will b his fault!!! wat the f**k!!! haiyo....... of all question to ask........ today sum more is the very 1st day since a long time ago tat i can finally leave my office at exactly 5.45pm!!!! i hope tomolo oso can do the same...... tomolo is CNY eve lo........ can't wait for CNY to come!!!!! haha!!! but have to work til tomolo sum more...... pity me..... everybody around me seems to b on leave oredi....... sad...... so sad........ time really is not enuff...... today din even accompany wee lee at all....... cos i went for facial immediately after work...... by the time i finish my facial, he oredi lazy d n getting ready for bed d....... but then, there's tomolo, the day after tomolo n the morning after tomolo b4 he leaves for kl.......... haih.................

4th of February 2008 - FRUSTATING DAY!!!!!!!

damn! today was an extremely busy day for me......... the moment i reached my office, my table is full of my work for the day....... so many journal rolls to fold...... sum more hv to print reports for my officer.... then the moment the door opened at 9.30am, customers came rushing in like there's tomolo for the bank!!! by 10.15am, there's at 50 numbers waiting!!!!! by lunch, the numbers in waiting had been non-stop increasing tat it reached 100!!!!! at one point, it hit 120 numbers in waiting, then it dropped a little.......... tats oni for counter services....... customer service pula oso quite busy viv lots of savings account opening...... at one time, i called for 1 number but 5 came cos they came from the same company!!! rush like wat nia..... sum more hv those who cut cues wan.............. m'sians r alwix like tat........ they will never learn manners....... an auntie was asking me questions on our products n i was trying to find out her needs so tat i can intro to her the best product n there came a 20sth yrs old gal nicely dressed n jz butt in viv "EXCUSE ME! MAY I ............" dun the schools actually teach the students moral? manners pun tak dak! poor auntie was so irritated cos she tot i was not listening to her, but i was oni paying attention to the auntie oni n did not even bother to look up at tat brainless gal!!!! PLUS! after a few times she did tat n i did not bother to reply her, she actually gave me faces sum more n make her irritated noise to sound to me tat she is really irritated!!!! wat the heck!!!!!! shame to her parents n moral teacher! haih................ really kek si wa nia...........

customers had been non-stop complaining tat the counter service is slow today but can't they really see for themselves tat the counter staffs is oredi at their top speed n trying their best to serve viv a smile during times of so much pressure!!!! sum more complain........ haih..... humans.............. humans r like tat!!!!! frankly, ever since i started working in this like, i dun complain ppl's services no matter how bad they were............. i will oni make sure tat i will not go to the same person again next time.......... so guys n gals........ whenever u wan to complain bout ppl's services, think bout ur own to others as well as look around at the situation during tat time.......... if the staff r really very bz viv their job, pls b considerate on them........ dun file a complain on them n make them hate u!!! staffs tat u shd complain r those who during times like tis, instead of trying to hurry in their job, they r actually doing slow motionly n sum more yak a lot wan............. not those who totally got no time to even smile at u wan!!!!!! b considerate n hv sum manners!!!! when one is talking, dun jz barge n speak all u wan........ THINK BOUT UR FEELINGS IF PPL DO TAT TO U SO TAT U WUN DO THE SAME TO PPL!!!!!

3rd of february 2008

today was a very bz day for me....... left hse at around 12.30pm to fetch gnn....... at 1st she wanted to go n join oyi fishing at sp wan but when we called her, she is abt to leave for pg oredi....... so, we dcided to go balik pulau for laksa........... she called her bf n asked if he wanted to join us n i asked owl to join us.......... so long din go, jz now was very pening for us as they had moved oredi....... luckily move opposite nia.... hehe! we had our lunch there n even buy sum back...... then we head to bjc for awhile cos gnn wanted to buy disc.... manatau the dvd shop was raided moments jz b4 we got there....... haih............... luck is not on her side......... so we walked around a bit then left for home for the 2 guys...... then gnn n i went to oyi's hse to help her bake biscuits...... then we went for dinner at jelutong.............. we talked abt those funny times together n laughed at ourselves.................

02nd February 2008

quite bz yesterday as one of my buddies came back from kl........... today, another buddy will b back too from s'pore! finally can get to c them n talk esp the s'pore wan............ got to update her on all tat happened since she last came back...................

painful memories

i was abt to go to sleep oredi n sad memories flooded my mind...... out of sudden, i f elt the pain when he wrestled me to the ground when i was abt to slapped tat bitch n then felt the pain tat he left when he hit me then............... it felt as though it oni happened yesterday.............. i really do not noe how i forgave him after tat til it ended................... those were the most painful memories tat i had wanted so badly to forget................. but i guess it will haunt me for the rest of my life........... all those fights we had n those hurtful words tat he hurled towards me, it all seemed like it jz happened yesterday................. is there any ways tat i can use to forget those? can i jz pray tat i meet viv an accident n then woke up viv memory lost?