15th of April 2008 - a day viv the most painful memories

tis date a yr ago was my nightmare.... jz now i went thru the pictures tat i took tat time n the moment i saw the pictures, my tears fell.... i really cant help it.... went thru his picture as well as all those smses tat he sent to me during the 2 yrs n damn, it hurts!!! its so painful to c all those again..... every word he said was a lie.... fr the moment he admitted to the affair, everything was a lame lie........... fr the moment tat bitch came into the picture, he started to change but i din realised tat........... i tot he changed cos of the pressure of his business closing down then... but i din noe tat he changed cos of her..... now tat i tot of it, it hurts me so much cos i hv been a fool all tis while thinking tat once all the financial problems tat the business is bringing us cleared, he will b back to his usual self...... how wld i to noe tat tis is not the reason..... i knew my 6th sense was rite when i felt damn uncomfy when we met tat bitch n yakked overboard...... but i din noe then tat tis bloody bitch is tis bitch tat she can do tis to me...... but like chinese saying 'one hand clap no sound wan'.... mayb it wasnt jz her fault.... god noes if he ever went after her....

thinking back, it was really stupid of me to heed his advise to fight for wat is mine..... i can still remember how he used to scold me stupid for letting go when a 3rd party enters the picture..... to him, i shd fight cos guys wld normally run out of track in btw, so fighting will bring him back on track..... but, he did not ask me to put on turbo when fighting cos he is moving too fast off track!!! now, its raining very heavily.... i guess the God mz hv felt pity over wat happened to me last yr..... pity tat he hurt me tat bad...... pity tat i was hit when it shdnt happen at all.... if oni i cld turn back, i wld choose not to know him at all.... at least, i end up the way i was a yr ago...... at least, i wun b hurting the way i m now...... at least, i wun hv to erase my memories of the 2 yrs.........

but without these xperiences, i will not learn tat painful lesson of relationship n start to plan my future now....... no doubt tat i hope to find my other half, but i guess after tis painful lesson, relationship will b the last thing in my life..... i blieve tis lesson will keep me away fr another relationship for a period of time..... n by the end of the period of time, i wld too old for other relationships........... i guess tis is the best ending for me after tis lesson.......

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

14th of April 2008 - a damn crazy day at work but there's happy returns

yesterday was a crazy day at work.... most customers r crazy by nature viv illogical demands.... n worst of all, even the staff oso like tat...... fr crazy company secretary of a customer to the 'wrong' form used for replacement of cards when all tis while its the right 1...... at least there's a happy return for me..... the guy tat i admired so much came to the branch after quite 2 weeks since i last saw him n came up to me n talk..... he jokingly asked where hv i been to cos he din c me so long oredi...... mayb bcos he came during my lunchtime kua tats y din c me..... infact, bcos he din c me, he din even collect his chq book!!!! until yesterday when he saw me oni then he came to me to collect...... god.... i love to c him smile...... he's cute viv his smile on...... too bad dun hv his picture......... i guess i had admired him since a yr n half ago d...... then, i hoped tat he was not blonged...... oni then i can get to noe him better...... but as a fren, he is very nice lo....... i can still remember how he wld come to the branch n then seek to stand near my desk n smile to me n sumtimes when i not too busy, he wld talk to me...... too bad, tat my relationship ended in an ugly way n kept me away fr relationship...... but as a fren, even if he ask me out, it wun kill to noe tis fren ooo........... i can still remember tat he jokingly said tat my smile was so fake when he tested my camera n took my picture in his shop.... hehehe!!! now i cant help smiling..... best to stay tis way..... at least i wun hurt myself further more.......