15th August 2011

Today so beh tong... She sum more dare to give me face to c.... From the moment I reach office, she did not even other to tok to me or even ask if any update on our circulars.... She makes it as though I m at fault!!!! Really kanasai... I did not even comment bout her condition n she dare to give me face!!?? Now I wan to scold her.... Damn her lo!!!! Fine viv it... I will b as selfish as I can b.... N I noe I hv been disturbing ppl around me viv tis case... I shall shut my mouth now n do wat I shd can d.... God noes.... I hope so....

14th of August 2011

Zyezye Dureyna :
baru ku tahu rupa-rupanya masih ada manusia yg memang x boleh berubah perangai buruknya..... kalu dulu aku boleh lagi brsabar atas ajaran kedua org tua n agama ku menyuruh bersabar itu separuh dari iman...tapi skarang.....sabar itu ada batasnya........aku akan kuatkan diriku supaya tidak dpijak lagi oleh org yg x brtemadun n tdak berperikemanusian.....ingatlah kita sbagai manusia bukannya slalu berada d atas kadang2 d bawah jgak.....


Siti Zamry :
Relax kak zie..sabar2..:)

Zyezye Dureyna :
nasib baik ni bulan puasa siti..kau x ntahla.....

Salina Abd Salim :
dugaan bulan puasa...kak zyezye......

Zyezye Dureyna :
mungkin la ina...bulan puasa ni kita kena bawa2 bersabar..inilah dugaan tuhan untuk org yg disayanginya....

Siti Zamry :
Ha'ah kak zie..nsb baik bln puasa.. 2day, kak zie x keja ker?

Zyezye Dureyna :
cuti sakit ti.....h hu hu..itu pun ada yg faham2 lagi...depa ingat kita wat2 sakit kot....tu yg x tahan tu

Siti Zamry :
Ooo..normal lah tue kak zie.. Take care..mg cpt2 sihat..:)

Zyezye Dureyna :
tq ti...:d

Kekanda Sg Nibong :
sabar banyak2 ok

Bgr Shoppe :
Sabar 3x saja ok...

Junaidah Mohamed :
org2 cam ni wat dek je......xmenjaminkan masa depan kita!!!!! mmg pendengki yg teramat2....apa depa dpt ntah dgn dengki mendengki ni kan!!!!! xfaham le manusia2 cam ni!!!!!! relax n cool babe!!!!!!!! org yg teraniaya akan terbela nasibnya....sabar!!!!!!

Zyezye Dureyna :
tq semua...

Azwal Azmi :
Huh..... banyak besabar jgn jadi macam saya sesal.......macam2...

Zyezye Dureyna :
Azwal Azmi ye ka....mcm mana boleh sesal plak ni

Azwal Azmi :
Ya la terlampau ikut kata hati hancur semua termasuk kerjaya :@

Zyezye Dureyna :
ya ka..keciannya

Zaliza Aziz :
ya betol zie....mentang2 lah la ni depa dok sihat sentiasa, x dak masalah keluarga, masalah duit ringgit, kawan semua dok pulun ikot depa konon2 depa la baguih,,,,,depa x tau, 'masa' depa x mai lagi....ALLAH maha adil.....


tis is wat my 'dear partner posted as well as all the comments made by her frens..... well, i m not very sure who tis post was meant for but fr the way it look, sounds like it was meant for me.....

"aku akan kuatkan diriku supaya tidak dpijak lagi oleh org yg x brtemadun n tdak berperikemanusian" makes me wonder, if its meant for me then, who is civilised and humane enuff for me? yes, she is pregnant, but being pregnant is not everything..... y does ppl alwix REQUIRE me to go n understand other's situation n not vice versa? wen things happened, who wld ever tot of my situation other than asking me to go n settle for them? if i m being selfish, then wat is she?

refering to her fren, zaliza aziz's last comment, wat is she trying to mean? those who "dok sihat sentiasa, x dak masalah keluarga, masalah duit ringgit' r NOT HUMAN n ppl like them r human la is it? swt....

n she was saying tat 'sabar ada juga batasnya'... well how dare she say tat wen she is not the 1 suffering? tis is double swt.....

all in all, i can oni say tat tis got me really S.P.E.E.C.H.L.E.S.S. looks like i m being uncivilised n inhumane to her situation.... n who in tis big wide world will b civilised n humane to me leh? the Lord above? well, if its the Lord above, then i hv not feel anything yet..... n so, i hv decided tat 'we cannot change the wind; but we can adjust the sail'... i will adjust my sail fr last monday onwards after wat my 'dear ABM' named me..... everytime, i hv to think others wen they never ever think of me.... tis time, i will b live up to wat i was named after n think for myself.... in 1 of Tony Lau's movie, he alwix say 'ngor wai yan yan, yan yan wai ngor' n tats wat i was then.... now, as much as my 1 pair of hand, 1 pair of legs, 1 pair of eyes, 1 brain n 1 strength can do, i will do... other than tat, i cant help much.... i mz start to think for myself, my own good.... S.E.L.F.I.S.H.? I will b fr now....

8h of August 2011

today is a disappointing day for me.... as suay as i can b, i cant do much bout her pregnancy.. but i can oni hope for a better relief partner to help ease burden.... wen i received the news tat she is being hospitalised, i had oredi 90% xpected it will happen.... its has alwix been like tis for her past 3 pregnancy period n i hv nth to say cos it may happen to me too wen i m pregnant in future (tats if i ever get married...

u c, last thurs, i received her sms stating 'dr said i kenot carry heavy stuff, kenot work too much. tomolo (fri) i mc. dr said the condition of the baby is not stable'. so ur 1st tot will be, our job as a CSR is alwix heavy n A LOT!!!! so in order for her not to suffer as well as myself n audrey not to suffer during her pregnancy til her maternity (which will b 1yr later), audrey suggested to transfer her to a less job dept so tat she can relax as she works n i can get a full time partner to ease my burden.... so, tis morning n finally, i suggested to my ABM about tis n guess wat's his reaction was..... his expression was like shocking n eyes almost bulging out n in a loud voice said "Lu, u dun understand wat its like to b pregnant n facing tis kind of problems. U kenot jz think of urself!"

there n then, i felt like he jz light up the volcano in me n after tat i cant even ctrl myself.... i voiced to him tat i m not being mou lei chui lau jz bcos she is pregnant but i m oso thinking for her good as well as mine n for others whose gonna b affected wen she is not around.... is he trying to mean tat i m not pregnant b4 n so i dun understand her current situation n feelings? then do i hv to get myself pregnant in order to understand her situation? then who will understand my situation???!!!!!

M I BEING SELFISH???!!!! i'll tell u wat its like to b SELFISH!!!! well, last mth she issued A's chq book to B n tis is oredi the 3RD TIME!!!!! n A was very angry n was making a scene at our table n threaten to make a police report n make tis BIG.... he said tat B forged his signature wen B did not.... n here we are trying to find out the truth tat A did sign on the papers n so happened my ATM balancing was not balance. so i asked her to watch the CCTV to find out the truth. instead, she wen to my mgr's room n spoke to my mgr abt tis case but not watching the CCTV. wen she came down n i asked if she saw anything, she said tat she actually went up to speak to my mgr..... i was so DAMN ANGRY bcos i hv to settle my outages in trial balance n jz a small thing (watching cctv) oso she cant do.... wen audrey asked n i told her wat zz replied me, audrey asked me to stop watever i was doing n go upstairs n watch the cctv!!! damn, its not my fault!!! y mz i do tat? my 'dear ABM' said T.E.A.M.W.O.R.K!!!!! Fine!!! i went up to watch cctv n abt 1/2hr later, she intercom me at my mgr's room n said "Lu, i nak balik dah. nak jaga anak n rest. U slowly tengok ya"... WTF!!! TIS IS WAT IS CALL SELFISH OK... its her fault!!!! n i hv to settle for her!!!! WTF!!! n i had to stare at the damn cctv until 10pm!!!!! wat is fair to me? did my 'dear ABM' appreciate wat i did? i sacrificed my time n energy to watch tat damn CCTV for a fault tats not mine!!!!! it was FRIDAY n i cld hv gone home earlier n rest n do my stuff or go out n get to noe more guys.... instead i sat in the room n stare at tat damn cctv n in the end, i was called SELFISH jz bcos i suggested to transfer her to a less job dept for her good,my good n every1's good!!!!!

DAMN.... I M SO DAMN DISAPPOINTED..... N SPEECHLESS TOO..... all i can say is i m disappointed, speechless, unhappy, depressed n suicidal... i cant even stop myself fr hurting my own body.... i cant ctrl the tears to fall wen i m so angry....i cant ctrl my temper fr starting off..... n i cant even appreciate myself...... i really cant imagine wat will happen to me if i go on like tat.... mayb i will b a siao lang n go tg rambutan? or mayb i will get depression n hv to take medication? or mayb i will suffer 'yan kak fan lit' for wanting to 'siam' all tis unfair events coming my way? i really dun noe....

04 August 2011

I M SO DAMN DAMN DAMN PIK CHIK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! N DAMN FED UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! N DAMN SUAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Y DO I HV TO B SO SUAY???????????????????????????????? UNTIL WEN I HV TO B TIS SUAY?????????????????? DAMN!!!! F**k!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CCB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! L**C**U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOD, I HATE MY SUAY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!! I WAN TO DIE NOW, IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!! KANASAI!!!! LEHMAH!!!!! DAMN!!!! DAMN DAMN DAMN!!!!! F**K F**K F**K!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I SO GERAM NOW N SO HOT N SO DAMN SUAY!!!!! KANASAI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE MOMENT MY SHE BROKE MY JADE RUYI YESTERDAY, I OREDI TOLD SANNY TAT STH IS GOING TO HAPPEN N IT WILL AFFECT MY WORK.... SUMTIMES, NOT TAT I M VERY MAI SUN BUT TIS THINGS HAPPEN U WILL NOW IT HAPPENS FOR A REASON.... THE LAST TIME WHEN I LOST MY JADE CICADA, STH BAD HAPPEN THE NEXT DAY TOO!!!!! DAMN!!!! REALLY DAMN!!!!! I HATE TIS LIFE!!!!! I HATE MY LIFE!!!!!! I JZ WAN TO LEAVE NOW!!!!!!

03 August 2011

jz realised tat its been so so SO LONG since i last update my blog... so much happened over tis period of time n i can hardly remember wat i did oredi.... i oni can say, i hv been very very VERY BUSY..... as i said, so much happened.... sad, happy, crazy, all oso got.... i can say tat i m very happy cos i went for the Krabi trip as well as to Genting to watch my Fuk Luk Sau.... crazy? well, i m alwix doing crazy stuff.... sad.... hmmmm.... shhhh.....

the Krabi trip was fun.... i had so much fun eventhough i cant swim n din go snorkelling..... the water was so clear n i luv it.... of cos, the company is oso another set of crazy ppl.... i got darker too.... n had a swim suit mark on my body.... luckily, my face was not affected tat bad... otherwise, ivy is going to nag me lo.... hahahaha!!

2 weeks after the krabi trip, i went to Genting to watch Fuk Luk Sau live in genting..... n i can tell u, i dun regret it.... its so much fun n laughters watching them.... best is i get to shake hands viv 2 of them namely wong cho lam n yuen siu cheung.... i was so high after tat.... no words can explain how much i luv FLS..... but of cos, other than tis, i had the worst of it too.... i suffered the worst diarrhea of my life in genting... after taking a packet if fried bihun frm hainan cafe in casino, i started to hv tummyache tat felt like ur intestines being twisted so hard....

jz wen chooi ming said she wans to go to the gambling table, i will tell her i need to go to the toilet n i felt so bad..... jz b4 check in at 11.15am, i had oredi went to toilet for a record of 6times jz in a space of 5 hrs.... n wat is worst is the color of the stool got lighter n lighter until it ended up green colored n watery..... after checking in, i went to toilet another 2 times b4 i forced myself to catch up on sleep.... after 1.5 hr of sleep, woke up to get ready to enjoy my free time, but instead, i went to toilet another 3 times b4 i can finally get out of the room.... infact chooi ming was nonstop nagging bout not being able to play bcos of my condition..... on the way down, i started to hv tummyache again n she told me to better c the dr... so she helped me to the 1st world clinic n it took me almost 15mins to get there wen during normal time, 5-7mins oredi can reach.....

after seeing the dr, i was advised to eat 'cheng tam' food so as not to aggravate my tummy... even the dr said i had food poisoning..... n guess wat! the medical bill cost me RM125!!!.... anyway, after tat, i had to take porridge for brunch n kuai kuai take medicine..... we walked a bit around the indoor but i had to go to toilet another 2 times b4 i told chooi ming tat i wan to go back to the room.... we went back to our room n i went to toilet another 2 times b4 leaving for the Arena of Stars... the whole day i was praying real hard tat my tummy wun give me any trouble wen i wan to watch my FLS.... n luckily enuff, it din... after FLS n late dinner, chooi ming said wan to take me tour the casino but i guess it was not for long b4 i told her i really wan to go back to our room..... reach our room n went to toilet twice b4 i head to bed n forced myself to sleep......

during the nite, i was woken up due to tummyache.... the next morning, i also visited the toilet numerous times.... i told ming tat i practically 'or kon or cheng' d.... infact til now, i still to go to toilet frequently... but not as bad as on sat..... n my tummyache still the same like on sat.... tat 1 box of fried bihun really took a toll on me.... n i can oni think, wat abt the elders who took the same fried bihun too... i oredi diarrhea til i tot i might die, how abt the elders? n i ban ban BAN tis hainan cafe..... wat a welcome back treat i had fr genting after almost 4yrs since i last visited..... really kanasai....

n yesterday, went back to work n being greeted by a bunch of auditors..... kau lat... wat time they chose to come..... haih....

22nd April 2011

guan lai its been 2mths plus since i last blog..... been xtremely bz after 14th feb.... even now oso still same.... to cut it short, since my last post, attended 2 wedding dinners, a few family dinners n frenz dinners..... tonite i m going to watch MLTR at pisa n bought tickets to watch Fun Viv the 3 Gods in july.... now i m hving headache but stil blogging cos i m waiting for my hair to dry b4 i go to sleep....... bz bz days.... wen oni can go travel le.... haih,......

14th February 2011

its Valentines Day again n i m alone..... well.... i shd b thankful tat i hv a computer tat i can type out my tots.... i m very frustrated today... shd say i m very frustrated everyday of my life since 3yrs plus ago... when u work viv a partner, we shd b totful not b selfish.... but it seems tat, when i m being totful, sumbody is taking advantage of it n then now, after 3yrs later, i was labelled 'backstabber' indirectly... though unhappy viv her leave records, i blieve she shd hv felt tat her leave records is not beautiful at all n she cant blame me for being unhappy viv it.... yes, health is not sth we can all control but we can take preventive measures so tat we wun fall sick tat often.... infact, sumtimes i really suspects if she does any preventive measures....

well, we shall c things tis way.... let's not jz based on her MCs.... let's jz look at her children.... her youngest son was admitted last yr bcos there was a toy tyre viv a diameter of at least 5cm stuck in his nose!!! jz a few weeks back, her daughter had the earring stud stuck in the earring hole n the earring stud is abt 3cm, n a roundish stud.... n other than tis 2 cases, her children r often sick... ELs, CLs n even MCs were fully taken up.... i noe the diff btw myself n her is, she's got 3kids n i m not even married.... i noe children r easily infected but as a parent, she shd take good care of herself in order for her to take care of her kids!!! wat's the explanation of her MCs then? tats y i alwix suspect how she takes care of herself n her kids....

even her husband oso felt wat i felt too..... once last yr, he said to her bout her alwix taking MCs and even told her to take care of herself more so as not to take so much MCs but i guess, its useless lo.... like she said on her FB post tat "Sihat kita bukannya kita yg minta tapi tuhan yg tentukan".... diff ppl hv diff thinking n diff way of taking care of themselves.... oni god noes if she has been taking good care of herself......

yes, i may hv posted how damn frustrated i was when i was called on friday morning, when my brain was not even awake, n was forced to cancel my leave n go back to work bcos she was on MC.... wat i m frustrated about is my officers was telling tat no1 wans to even help the CSR table!!! u noe, i dun hv a chain tying myself to the CSR table n chair.... y can't they b more helpful? y did they choose to b selfish? fine... n when i finally get back to work, i was given the dirtiest look n worst words to listen by those 'good' customers.... is tat my fault too?? i was forced to go back to work n they shd b thankful tat i actually cancel my leave n go back to work..... n worst of all, i had to survive my day vivout lunch!!!! do u think anybody in my office cared bout tat?? NO!!! no1 cared if i m dead or alive at my table..... did she feel sorry for me? NO!!! instead she indirectly said tat i m backstabbing her!!!! i was so hungry n sleepy n tired n suffering the worst headache for not enuff sleep n did she pity me?? NO!!!! i hv gastric since i was 11yrs old n since then, i'll alwix make sure tat it wun happen again...i will do watever i can so tat i dun hv gastric again... tats taking preventive measures.... even when having sex oso, we need to hv preventive measures la....

but i guess to them, its kurniaan allah, tats y they dun do preventive measures n tats y they hv so many kids n yet they can still survive everyday even though they r poor..... n tats oso y she dun noe how to take preventive measures bout her health lo.... at times, when i m about to fall sick n wans to take preventive measures, i will think "y shd i when she does not even think bout me?"... but in the end, i will still choose to take proper care so tat i will not fall sick so badly..... like chooi ming alwix scold me "u r being to gd hearted!!! since she chor 1, u do 15 la... since she never think bout u, y think bout her?" n i alwix tot, chooi ming is being an old lady alwix nagging at me to do things tat i m not supposed to do.... but now, looks like sum1 is being selfish n not being grateful n instead, pointing fingers when i show my temper.......

all i've got to say is ONI GOD NOES wat i went thru.... when u r still asleep n sudddenly being shoved the phone to answer n was told to cancel leave n go back to work n worst, uses appraisal to tok to u, how wld u feel? ONI GOD NOES wat i felt.... i hv no say but oni to let it b.... its my fault tat i post such a frustrated post.... its my fault for blaming her.... its my fault tat she is taking advantage of me... its my fault to b working viv her.... its my fault for everything tat i hv done.... its my fault tat i m still alive here when i m suppose die a few yrs back.....

wat a valentines day for me..... wat a hokkien cny for me.... wat a rabbit yr 2011 for me.... wat a fucking life i had..... i shd b dead for everything tat i hv done..... if i m gone, then i can take away all the sadness n heartaches tat i caused her.... if i m gone earlier, i wun even hurt myself too.... if i m gone, all tat i hv done wrong wun happened at all......

sorry for all tat happened... sorry for tat i hv done wrong.... sorry for everything....