8h of August 2011

today is a disappointing day for me.... as suay as i can b, i cant do much bout her pregnancy.. but i can oni hope for a better relief partner to help ease burden.... wen i received the news tat she is being hospitalised, i had oredi 90% xpected it will happen.... its has alwix been like tis for her past 3 pregnancy period n i hv nth to say cos it may happen to me too wen i m pregnant in future (tats if i ever get married...

u c, last thurs, i received her sms stating 'dr said i kenot carry heavy stuff, kenot work too much. tomolo (fri) i mc. dr said the condition of the baby is not stable'. so ur 1st tot will be, our job as a CSR is alwix heavy n A LOT!!!! so in order for her not to suffer as well as myself n audrey not to suffer during her pregnancy til her maternity (which will b 1yr later), audrey suggested to transfer her to a less job dept so tat she can relax as she works n i can get a full time partner to ease my burden.... so, tis morning n finally, i suggested to my ABM about tis n guess wat's his reaction was..... his expression was like shocking n eyes almost bulging out n in a loud voice said "Lu, u dun understand wat its like to b pregnant n facing tis kind of problems. U kenot jz think of urself!"

there n then, i felt like he jz light up the volcano in me n after tat i cant even ctrl myself.... i voiced to him tat i m not being mou lei chui lau jz bcos she is pregnant but i m oso thinking for her good as well as mine n for others whose gonna b affected wen she is not around.... is he trying to mean tat i m not pregnant b4 n so i dun understand her current situation n feelings? then do i hv to get myself pregnant in order to understand her situation? then who will understand my situation???!!!!!

M I BEING SELFISH???!!!! i'll tell u wat its like to b SELFISH!!!! well, last mth she issued A's chq book to B n tis is oredi the 3RD TIME!!!!! n A was very angry n was making a scene at our table n threaten to make a police report n make tis BIG.... he said tat B forged his signature wen B did not.... n here we are trying to find out the truth tat A did sign on the papers n so happened my ATM balancing was not balance. so i asked her to watch the CCTV to find out the truth. instead, she wen to my mgr's room n spoke to my mgr abt tis case but not watching the CCTV. wen she came down n i asked if she saw anything, she said tat she actually went up to speak to my mgr..... i was so DAMN ANGRY bcos i hv to settle my outages in trial balance n jz a small thing (watching cctv) oso she cant do.... wen audrey asked n i told her wat zz replied me, audrey asked me to stop watever i was doing n go upstairs n watch the cctv!!! damn, its not my fault!!! y mz i do tat? my 'dear ABM' said T.E.A.M.W.O.R.K!!!!! Fine!!! i went up to watch cctv n abt 1/2hr later, she intercom me at my mgr's room n said "Lu, i nak balik dah. nak jaga anak n rest. U slowly tengok ya"... WTF!!! TIS IS WAT IS CALL SELFISH OK... its her fault!!!! n i hv to settle for her!!!! WTF!!! n i had to stare at the damn cctv until 10pm!!!!! wat is fair to me? did my 'dear ABM' appreciate wat i did? i sacrificed my time n energy to watch tat damn CCTV for a fault tats not mine!!!!! it was FRIDAY n i cld hv gone home earlier n rest n do my stuff or go out n get to noe more guys.... instead i sat in the room n stare at tat damn cctv n in the end, i was called SELFISH jz bcos i suggested to transfer her to a less job dept for her good,my good n every1's good!!!!!

DAMN.... I M SO DAMN DISAPPOINTED..... N SPEECHLESS TOO..... all i can say is i m disappointed, speechless, unhappy, depressed n suicidal... i cant even stop myself fr hurting my own body.... i cant ctrl the tears to fall wen i m so angry....i cant ctrl my temper fr starting off..... n i cant even appreciate myself...... i really cant imagine wat will happen to me if i go on like tat.... mayb i will b a siao lang n go tg rambutan? or mayb i will get depression n hv to take medication? or mayb i will suffer 'yan kak fan lit' for wanting to 'siam' all tis unfair events coming my way? i really dun noe....