11th of August 2008

for the past few days, the moment my phone's msg tone rings, i will start to think.. is it him? will it b him? but there was none..... i think its jz nth nia kua.... still being frens is the best... at least the tension is not there..... it will b more relax talking to him like last thurs.... at 1st, i was very shy to talk to him but when it started, we r like frens within minutes..... my...

09th of August 2008

dun noe y lately i hv been having a restless feeling...... tis feeling had been lingering for more than a week d n today, it jz got worst.... tiff left me a msg tellin me tat aun's mum got problems n wan to get in touch viv soon.... but i told her tat we oredi broke up n she said tat its ok..... then fr then on, though his mum lingers in mind but it was never tis bad feeling as today..... tis morning i got so restless n had a feeling tat sth bad happened to her.... i hope my 6th sense is not the truth cos i dun hope her anything but health.... really dun noe y today felt so so so restless......

i msged oyi telling her tis restless feelings but she told me tat it's none of biz anymore.... but i really can't help tis restless feeling.... i pray for everything to well for his mum..... though its jz once tat i met her n thrice spoken to her, i oso dun hope anything bad to happen..... if i cld, i wld hv called his mum n ask her myself..... but she had oredi changed her contact no as she did not reload the last no for a period of time n the no got discontinued........

07th of August 2008

today i woke up viv a blue mood but brighter than yesterday's.... at least i din spend a lot of time choosing my colour today... anyway, ai tee smsed me during lunch n asked to meet up for dinner tonite n i replied her at almost 4pm as i was quite bz today.... n she told me tat she will b meeting him over dinner too n asked if i m ok viv it.... frankly, i din mind so i agreed....

6pm came n dun noe y i dreaded.... i dragged time until 6.15pm n left office for qbm.... i msged her once to confirm their meeting place n went there.... the 1st 1 i saw was him n then oni ai tee n her husband n her sister... then i sat down n he smiled at me.... n then continued viv listening to ai tee's husband explaining sum investment savings plans lo.... but i caught him eyeing me a few times as i was talking to ai tee.... u noe, he was all red!!!

then dun noe how in the end we started talking to each other n he turned normal again.... n we talked n talked n talked n talked.... n dun noe how we ended up exchanging our contact no!!!! my god.... never taken tis path b4.... haih.... he was talking bout buying phones then we discuss a bit on phone models n then he said tat he actually was looking at buying k770 so i asked if he oredi survey the price, he said yes.... but still not within his capabilities.... so i told him tat if he wans to buy phones, i can intro to him la since i noe frens in tis line of business.... n he bright up like a little boy given his fav sweet n replied me... so i called wayne for the price n told him the price lo.... n it got him thinking damn hard.... he looks very interested in buying d... tats y he told me tat he will call me after he tot over....

then we oso talked bout him changing jobs... it seems tat he actually submit his resignation letter to his boss but it was returned n his boss asked him to stay on.... then he told us tat he once applied for PBB but did not attend the interview cos he mistook tat he was to b based in kl when he wans to stay in pg..... so i explained to him tat all interviews were done in kl, the main office but the position depends on ur choice n subject to availability in the branch.... he tot tat he was to b based in bangi, kl... i told him tat bangi is our training centre n we oni go at least once a yr n not to b based there unless u r in IT.... then oni he understand.....

oh ya! while exchanging contact nos, i gave him my namecard n he was looking at it n said "ooo... yuan lai ur name is khoo lean lu..... very special name.... wat's ur chinese name?" then i told him to turn to the back of the card n he said "ooo.... ur chinese name is even more special...." then he asked if i got english name n i told him lo.... i guess he will remember my english name lo....

felt so on cloud nine now.... still wondering how everything goes so fast n tat we exchanged contact no..... i m now wondering if the next time i go sakae wat will the situation b like since oredi noe him...... speaking of sakae, jz now he was non-stop teasing me.... when i reached, ai tee was asking me wat i wan to eat for dinner n i said i dun noe n he replied telling me to go sakae lo..... then after tat, when ai tee's sister wans to go buy fries time, ai tee asked if i wan to eat anything n i said no since i still cant think of wat i wan to eat n he again replied me to go sakae pula..... then when we were leaving mcd time n ai tee asked me again wat to eat n i said dun noe, he again told me to go sakae..... haih..... really kek si wa nia.... now i can confirm tat he can recognise me for being a regular at sakae..... kept teasing me bout sakae..... kek si wa nia.....

anyway, i m still on cloud nine due to wat happened..... but i m having an extreme headache tat i kept crying.... now i really wan to go n sleep..... if not i sure kenot sleep due to pain d.....

06th of August 2008

same blue mood

05th of August 2008

woke feeling off colour again tis morning..... real bad for me..... no matter wat i wear oso does not match my mood today.... but white is better than red... at least it does not make me end up viv headache the whole day.... n today i had an extremely busy day viv so much to do n so little time to do..... makes me miss hk so so so much..... i really enjoyed my trip though its a little tired fr walking too much, sleeping late n waking up early...... guess i hv been working too hard d lately tats y i felt so so so tired..... no wonder i kept thinking of taking a break n go on holiday.... mayb next yr onwards i shd plan on going sumwhere at least once a yr as a reward to my restless body, mind n soul.....

04th of August 2008

i woke up viv a blue mood.... whole morning spent searching for my today's colour.... trying out diff diff clothes to c if it matches my mood but none.... in the end i wore sth tat is close to my mood of the day.... but i ended up viv a colour too bright for my mood n suffered headache the whole instead... haih..... lately alwix like tat.... alwix can't seem to find my mood of the day.... wear wat oso does not match my mood.... no wonder i m alwix feeling off colour lately.....

there was sth tat i did not post here... i had forgotten bout it cos last week too happy d.... now i wan to make tis post.... my results is out n i passed my module 1 d.... yippee!!!!! now i can proceed to next module d..... i was so worried tat i might not pass cos i did not study hard enuff... but luckily tis time, i got thru.... so now can register for next module d.... next, i will tackle taxation again n investments.... can't wait to take up retirement planning n estate planning.... tis is wat i m more interested in.... neways, wish me luck... pray for me to get thru again.....

01st of August 2008 - the past of lotus gal's love life

While watching ‘Little Bride’ n came across a few scene which reminded me of him n all tat he did….. remembered how he insist to carry me across the carpark as it was raining heavily tat the floor is very wet… remembered how he addressed me as his dear n lou por but oso marred by the tots of how he addressed her the same….. remembered how I waited for him at his rented apartment everynite as he rode back home n I opened the door for him n prepared for him to take a bath….. remembered how he wld smile when he walked in thru the door after work…. Remembered how he took care of me when I had fever, cooked for me, dry-bathe me, fed me…..

During a scene where the mum was telling the daughter abt her dad not saying I love u to her mum… the daughter asked if she felt sad never having the chance to heard her dad say tat to her n she replied tat she never felt sad cos as long as her husband felt the same n showed the same, she oredi feel satisfied….. tis made me tot of us again….. he did told me to believe him n stay viv him for he will do all his best for me….. he oso did say tat even if he dun say out loud tat he loves me doesn’t mean tat he dun feel the same…. As long as in his heart he noes who is the most important to him, I shd believe him cos everything he did was out of his love for me…… now as I type tis, I can’t help my tears fr falling….. mayb he is telling the truth, but mayb not….. I was oredi blinded by his lies….

N now, I remembered tat dreadful day when we fought…. I really dun noe how to justify wat he was doing then cos after we fought n he finally saw how hurt I was n after he had cooled down, he actually cradled me in his arms telling me how sorry he was for hurting me tis bad n he never meant for tis to happen…… n even the few days after, everytime he saw me, he cradle me in his arms telling me the same….

Then I tot of the day when we last quarreled n angrily shouted ‘break up’ at each other n how it never been the same since….. ever since tat day, I did not even wan to pick up his calls n he kept sending sms to apologize over wat he said….. n the last time I ever met for dinner n the 2 hrs spent quietly without a word towards each other, I noe tat we cld never get back again….. funnily, I tot I had forgotten how he actually looked like, but now, out of sudden, his vision is so clear…..

But now, everything is said n done….. let tis b a memory… whether to b classified as a good memory or not, it will stay a memory, a past….. a past of lotus gal’s unfortunate love life……