19th of March 2009

its been a yr n a half later n now, a fren known fr the past gave me another news...... she met him n asked bout us...... he told her tat we r still a couple n tat due to sum misunderstandings, we r currently apart for sumtime...... he oso told her tat i will alwix b in heart even after so many things........ if it was a misunderstanding, isn't he suppose to explain n then not repeat the same mistake? but he did not, so wat's the use of saying tat i m still in his heart? if i m still in his heart, y is he still viv her now? no matter how oso its oredi a past..... n i had left tat long ago...... even if he comes back after settling everything, it is oredi too late for getting back...... watever tat i went thru during the 2nd yr of relationship after finding out will forever b in my mind n heart n will leave a deep scar...... tis is to remind me of how foolish i had been to blieve tat he will turn back for me...... even now tat he still insist tat we r still together, it will not change anything in me anymore....... i oni felt tat he is jz covering himself by using my name which will add the work 'jerk' to his strings of nicknames......

bcos of tis past, i will forever b watchful over my relationships........ i felt tat i dun easily trust ppl ard me anymore n tat i shd take care of myself 1st...... i felt like i had bcame very selfish over my concerns........ i hope i will recover from all tis.... lately, i kept having visions of the moment when he tried to stranggle me so tat i wld stop screaming when fighting viv him....... i wld rather he stranggle me to death then.... at least now, i wun b having tis kind of disturbing visions.......